


The Way It Is

by Salr323



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Episode: s02e09 The Road Trip, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-08
Updated: 2015-07-08
Packaged: 2018-04-08 09:01:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4298742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Salr323/pseuds/Salr323
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"He can’t get Amy out of his mind.  He can’t stop thinking about that moment when everything changed, when the raw shock of hope stripped away three months of deftly constructed defenses - when Amy’s flustered confession of her maybe, sometime feelings burned itself into his memory."</p><p>Episode tag for 'The Road Trip'.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Way It Is

**Author's Note:**

> In 'Boyle-Linetti Wedding' it's clear that Jake must have told Charles about Amy's confession at the Maple Drip Inn. I wondered how that conversation went... Many thanks, as always, to fried_flamingo for the beta! :)

_I’m dating Sophia. Sophia is great. I love being with Sophia._

He’s repeated it over and over for the past two days; somehow it makes him feel safer, less exposed. 

But the truth is, he’s wearing the mantra like camouflage, hiding from the fact that he can’t get Amy out of his mind. He can’t stop thinking about that moment when everything changed, when the raw shock of hope stripped away three months of deftly constructed defenses - when Amy’s flustered confession of her maybe, sometime feelings burned itself into his memory. 

Two days after they got home, and he still can’t get it, or her, out of his head. 

It’s the ‘what if’ that bugs him most, the missed opportunity it’s too late to grasp. He thinks ‘What if I’d pushed harder? What if I’d been less of a nice guy about it?’ Looking back, he thinks he shouldn't have backed off when he returned from his time undercover. He should have been more of a jerk about it. He thinks he would have been, if he’d know that she liked him even just a little, even only maybe.

He hadn't been a jerk, though. He’d been a nice guy and now he’s with Sophia – which is great, obviously. But it’s still frustrating to know that his chance with Amy slipped through his fingers without him even realizing it was there. 

And sometimes, alone at night, he wonders... Did he really miss his chance? Is it really in the past? 

It was difficult to interpret Amy’s breathless expression as they sat staring at each other across the abandoned dinner table, saying nothing when there was so much to be said, and he wonders—

“Whatcha thinking about Jakey?”

The question jerks him from his thoughts and back into the less than exciting present. Boyle’s eating something gross in the passenger seat of Jake’s car, and it’s their third hour staking out a convenience store. Charles has been working the case for six months and Jake thinks it’ s something to do with hacking ATMs, but he wasn't listening too closely in the briefing because of not being able to stop thinking about that night at the Maple Drop Inn and whether Amy—

“Boy.” Boyle gives a low whistle. “You really are on another planet today.”

“What? No, I'm just ... enjoying the aroma of your—” He glances at the goop. “What even _is_ that?”

“Oh! I'm glad you asked. This, my friend, is _Maraq Hilib Ari_ – a stew of goat and—”

“Okay.” He doesn't want to know any more.

Boyle offers him the cup. “Try some?”

“Thanks, I’ll stick with my bagel–s.” He’s on his third.

“Too many carbs, Jake.” 

“Are you my mom, now?”

Charles pats his stomach. “At our age, you have to be careful.”

“We’re not the same age.”

Charles shrugs and takes another mouthful of goat. “Not yet,” he says, wiping the gravy from his chin.

Jake gives him a bemused look and doesn't bother replying to that piece of Boyle-logic. 

Unfortunately, his silence doesn't shut Charles up. “So,” he says, eyeing him expectantly, “are you going to tell me what happened?”

“What happened when?”

His head tilts as if to say ‘you know what I mean’. “On your trip...?”

“Nothing happened,” Jake says, too fast, his stomach tumbling. How does Charles know? Are his feelings actually written on his skin or something? “What could possibly have happened? It was just one night away – with my girlfriend. And a colleague – and her boyfriend.” 

_Ex-boyfriend… Stop it!_

“You've been very distracted since you got back,” Charles persists. 

“I have not!” 

“And you've been ...” He waves his fingers in front of Jake’s eyes. “…daydreamy.”

“What? No, I haven’t—” Except that he has, and if Boyle has noticed then who else has? He frowns, embarrassed. “Look, nothing happened, okay? It was just one night away. And Sophia came along, and so did Teddy, and we had dinner together and…” And his words are starting to run away from him, like they’re trying to escape, and there’s nothing he can do about it. “… and then Amy broke up with Teddy, and he said it was because she liked me, and she said she did, or had, and then we all went to bed.”

Boyle’s eyes are like saucers. “Together?” he says, in awe. “You all went to bed _together_?”

“What? No!” Jake shifts awkwardly and stares out the window at the ATM they’re watching. There’s no sign of Charles’ perp. He thinks maybe it’s time to call it quits.

“So, wait,” Charles says, shifting in his seat. “Amy broke up with Teddy?”

“Yeah.”

“Because of you?”

“No. I mean, I don’t think so. It’s—” He sighs, because it’s complicated and he thinks Boyle might be the only person he can talk to about it, even if he is a less than ideal confidant. “Okay, this has to be just between us, right?”

Charles nods, excited. “Scout’s honor.”

“I'm serious.”

“Me too!” He spits on his hand and holds it out for Jake to shake.

“Nope, not doing that,” he says. Gross. “Just, keep this to yourself, okay?”

With a vehement nod, Charles wipes his hand on his shirt and says, “So tell me everything!”

And the weird thing is he actually wants to talk about it. The whole thing’s been circling around inside for so long, he needs to get someone else’s perspective before it starts driving him nuts. “So,” he says, settling back, “you know I invited Teddy along on the trip, to surprise Amy?”

“Classic Jake,” Boyle nods, like his own personal cheerleader.

“Well, it turns out that Amy was about to breakup with Teddy, so inviting him along was the worst thing I could have done.”

“Ouch,” Charles says around another mouthful of stew. “Bad timing.”

“I know, right? So I felt guilty, obviously. Sophia and I were trying to run interference so it wasn’t too awkward for Amy, but she...” He smiles at the memory of Amy’s rapid disintegration under pressure. “I don’t know, she just couldn't stand the Pilsners any longer, I guess, and the next thing I know she’s breaking up with him, right there at the dinner table with us.”

“Wow!” Charles says. “Awkward, much?”

“Horrible. So she’s telling Teddy he’s boring and obsessed with Pilsner--”

“Valid points.”

“True. But then Teddy says ‘Why don’t we talk about the real problem in our relationship?’” He jabs a thumb at himself. “Me.”

Charles’ jaw drops. “Because you've been having a steamy affair with Amy? Jake! How could you not tell me?” 

“No! Charles, what’s wrong with you? Of course not. He just meant—” But now he can’t get the word ‘steamy’ out of his mind and he has to rub his forehead and take a moment to refocus. “Look, Teddy just said that he thought that Amy liked me – you know, back when I told her how I felt. “ He blows out a breath, embarrassed because he hadn’t exactly covered himself in glory at that moment. “And here’s the thing, Charles: I asked Amy if it was true.”

“Oh, with Sophia sitting right there?” 

He grimaces at the memory. “I was just so … surprised.” There’s silence for a moment, that scene playing out again in his mind; Sophia’s embarrassment, Amy’s confusion, his own sweeping euphoria. 

“And?” Boyle prompts, fork hovering halfway to his mouth.

Despite everything, Jake feels warmth in the pit of his stomach when he thinks about Amy’s flustered reply. “She said that she did – or she had. She said she’d liked me too, back then.’”

“I knew it!” Boyle punches the air. “Yes! Go Team Jake! So, then what? You and Amy made out and...” He gives a suggestive waggle of his eyebrows. 

“C’mon, Charles! I was there with Sophia. And, anyhow ... I don’t even know what it means.” And that’s the crux of it. “Amy said she ‘maybe’ liked me, ‘a little’, three months ago. What does that prove?”

“It proves she has great taste.”

“But why didn't she say anything at the time?” He scrubs a frustrated hand through his hair. “She told me – she literally told me – that she was with Teddy and nothing was going to happen between us. Why say that, if she liked me?”

“Well,” Charles says, with a meaningful nod, “you’re with Sophia...” 

“So?”

“ _So_ – you’re with Sofia but you’re in love with Amy.”

“I am not!” he snorts, because that can’t be true. He is not that guy. “I've never said I'm ‘in love’ with Amy.”

“Not out loud,” Charles says. “But it’s all in your eyes.”

Jake gives him a flat look. “My eyes?”

“Some of the looks you give her,” Charles says, shaking his head. “ _Smokin’_.”

“What? That’s— How do you even know that?”

“Uh, because I'm alive and working in your office? Everyone knows, Mr. Heart-On-My-Sleeve.”

“Everybody does _not_ know.” He laughs, only it isn't very funny and he sobers immediately. “Do they?”

Charles spreads his hands. “I can’t vouch for Hitchcock or Scully.”

He thought he’d gotten past this, past her, and yet three months later he’s right back where he started. “I’m not in love with Amy,” he says, and wishes there was more conviction in his voice. “I'm dating Sophia. Sophia is great. I love being with Sophia.”

He believes the mantra.

Although he’s not sure Sophia does. She’d said something about the expression on his face when Amy had told me … He swallows a sudden, bitter taste. “I don’t walk out on people, Charles,” he says. “I don’t have ‘sidepieces’ and I don’t give up just because things get complicated.”

Charles nods. “Just to be clear, who is it you’re not giving up on?”

“Sophia! How is that not obvious?”

“It’s not obvious because that means you’re giving up on Amy!” 

Jake frowns, glares out the window. “Amy and I don’t have anything to give up on.”

“Are you kidding? Jake, the tension between you guys...”

“C’mon,” he grouses, and Charles subsides into silence and slurps another mouthful of his sulphurous stew.

But Boyle, it seems, can’t leave it alone. “So I guess Amy was pretty upset?”

“She seemed okay,” Jake says, thinking back to the long drive home. “I think she was just glad to get it over with. You know what she’s like – she’d been planning it for ages, building it up in her head.” He gives a slight smile. “I guess I did her a favor in a way.”

“Still, it probably didn't feel like it that night. I remember when Vivian broke up with me – I just lay down on her front doorstep and wept.”

“Yeah, I remember.” Another Boyle experience he’d never scrub from his mind.

“And they were sharing a room? Tricky.”

“Actually, I think he left.”

“You think?”

“He wasn't there at breakfast.” Amy had been sitting alone, a little wan but as serene as always. He and Sophia had eaten at a separate table, for obvious reasons.

“Wait.” Charles sounds a little outraged. “You don’t know?”

“How would I know?”

“Well, I assume you made sure she was okay after that scene in the restaurant?” When he doesn't answer, Boyle throws up his arms in despair. “Jake, that’s unforgivable! She breaks up with her boyfriend, admits that she has feelings for you—”

“ _Had_ feelings,” he clarifies.

“Whatever. I can’t believe you didn't make sure she was okay.”

“How could I?” he shot back. “I was with Sophia. My _girlfriend_.”

“Then I guess you really have given up on Amy.”

“I told you, there’s nothing to give up on.” But he knows that’s not true, that he’s hiding the fact he stood for a long five minutes outside Amy’s room, trying to decide whether to knock. Part of him hadn't wanted to make things worse with Teddy, but a larger part had been afraid of what he might do or say if he found himself alone with her. His feelings had been somewhere between skyrocketing and freefall, and he hadn't trusted himself to be sensible. Well, when was he ever?

The only thing that had grounded him in the end was the fact that Sophia had been waiting in their room. He’d clung to that and let it guide him back down through the confusion of feelings until he could put everything into clearer perspective.

In the end, he hadn't knocked on Amy’s door and he didn't regret it. He doubted anything that might have happened that night would have been wise or healthy. 

“Amy and I are friends,” he tells Boyle. “We’re partners, colleagues. I haven’t given up on anything.”

“Except love,” Boyle says, with a sigh that’s pure melodrama. 

Jake doesn't answer. He’s not sure whether Boyle’s right, but he knows he’s still with Sophia and that he’s not the kind of guy who just drops one woman for another. “Maybe I love Sophia?” he says, testing the heavy-duty camouflage of that notion.

Boyle sees right through it, raises his eyebrows. “Do you?”

Jake probably knows the answer, but luckily he doesn't have to reveal it because suddenly there’s a guy tampering with the ATM and Boyle’s hissing “It’s him!”

And then they’re out and running and he can lose himself in the adrenaline rush, in the thrill of the chase and the clarity of the job. It distracts him all the way back to the Nine-Nine, right up until the moment he sees Amy at her desk, smiling as she watches him bring in Boyle’s perp.

“Nice,” she says, because she probably paid attention in the briefing and knows all about this guy.

Jake gives her the thumbs up and she returns the gesture with a grin. He tells himself the reason his heart’s soaring is because of the chase, because of the adrenaline. Nothing more. He tells himself he’s moving forward, moving on; whatever chance he might have had with Amy is gone, it’s in the past and there’s no going back. 

_I’m dating Sophia. Sophia is great. I love being with Sophia._

That’s just the way it is.


End file.
